Tuesday, April 30, 2013

billie holiday

most people say that honesty is the best policy. but maybe it isn't honesty that we expect so much in our society as tact
there is one thing i still can't quite figure out, which is where the line between the two are drawn. 

i took a few creative writing classes, and in them we were taught to write what we knew. what they forgot to say was that writing what you know is one of the hardest things to write. it's easier to get lost in literature and i suppose that is why the word creative comes into play. i have found that i often do not want to write what i know. what i know and the experiences which i have had are painful to relive and difficult to put into words. the mind is a complicated thing.  training it to be quiet takes time and practice. training your mouth to be quiet also takes time and practice (possibly more). i think it has become too acceptable in our society (i realize that i am generalizing, but again, i was born an american citizen) to gossip. and whether or not gossip is true or false information…i'm lumping gossip into gossip for the sake of ease. dwelling on such things is not always healthy. often i'm a hypocrite. i don't want to become a recluse simply because i am afraid of the world. i've been taught to portray myself a certain way so that people will like me. my honesty has burned bridges. my dishonesty has also burned bridges. if a bridge is built, it probably shouldn't be burned. perhaps it is better to swim through them or sail across them, but i digress. the world is moving forward, and rapidly. but who is to say that it is moving in the right direction? i couldn't possibly know yet. i see and hear many things that convince me otherwise. i see and hear many things and i have hope.

 a blog is a beautiful thing in that it allows people to connect across the world. i've "met" some truly inspiring people through this site (blogger) and i will always be grateful for that. but i began to notice that it was easier for me to put only what was beautiful in my life on this site. it's more fun to read and to look at. i love to see the beautiful side of life. i know there is a dark and ominous one as well. i've had dreams that make me question everything i've ever believed. i've had experiences that make me question everything i was taught. i'm only 24 and i still have so much to learn.
the point i wanted to make tonight was that no matter what you hear about someone or see them do, know that there is something else, lying beneath the surface, trying to find its way out. for me, music is some of the best therapy around. (and gardening, or farming, or just being outside. preferably in nature. i generally don't find much comfort in this urban jungle i live in, but i'm trying all the time to like it more). tomorrow may not bring more change than today or yesterday did, but at the very least, i'm a little bit wiser. my approach is what makes the difference.

good night to you all.

p.s. here's a group(warpaint) that i truly admire. the emotion in their music is powerful and often sad, but they have fun and it shows. i've had to learn not to be afraid of sadness, or grief. it's all part of the healing process. sometimes, people will tell you only what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. that has taken me a long time to accept. 

oh, and this video was not made by me, nor did i write the music. 

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