Tuesday, April 30, 2013

billie holiday

most people say that honesty is the best policy. but maybe it isn't honesty that we expect so much in our society as tact
there is one thing i still can't quite figure out, which is where the line between the two are drawn. 

i took a few creative writing classes, and in them we were taught to write what we knew. what they forgot to say was that writing what you know is one of the hardest things to write. it's easier to get lost in literature and i suppose that is why the word creative comes into play. i have found that i often do not want to write what i know. what i know and the experiences which i have had are painful to relive and difficult to put into words. the mind is a complicated thing.  training it to be quiet takes time and practice. training your mouth to be quiet also takes time and practice (possibly more). i think it has become too acceptable in our society (i realize that i am generalizing, but again, i was born an american citizen) to gossip. and whether or not gossip is true or false information…i'm lumping gossip into gossip for the sake of ease. dwelling on such things is not always healthy. often i'm a hypocrite. i don't want to become a recluse simply because i am afraid of the world. i've been taught to portray myself a certain way so that people will like me. my honesty has burned bridges. my dishonesty has also burned bridges. if a bridge is built, it probably shouldn't be burned. perhaps it is better to swim through them or sail across them, but i digress. the world is moving forward, and rapidly. but who is to say that it is moving in the right direction? i couldn't possibly know yet. i see and hear many things that convince me otherwise. i see and hear many things and i have hope.

 a blog is a beautiful thing in that it allows people to connect across the world. i've "met" some truly inspiring people through this site (blogger) and i will always be grateful for that. but i began to notice that it was easier for me to put only what was beautiful in my life on this site. it's more fun to read and to look at. i love to see the beautiful side of life. i know there is a dark and ominous one as well. i've had dreams that make me question everything i've ever believed. i've had experiences that make me question everything i was taught. i'm only 24 and i still have so much to learn.
the point i wanted to make tonight was that no matter what you hear about someone or see them do, know that there is something else, lying beneath the surface, trying to find its way out. for me, music is some of the best therapy around. (and gardening, or farming, or just being outside. preferably in nature. i generally don't find much comfort in this urban jungle i live in, but i'm trying all the time to like it more). tomorrow may not bring more change than today or yesterday did, but at the very least, i'm a little bit wiser. my approach is what makes the difference.

good night to you all.

p.s. here's a group(warpaint) that i truly admire. the emotion in their music is powerful and often sad, but they have fun and it shows. i've had to learn not to be afraid of sadness, or grief. it's all part of the healing process. sometimes, people will tell you only what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. that has taken me a long time to accept. 

oh, and this video was not made by me, nor did i write the music. 

Friday, April 26, 2013


It's been quite some time since I last posted. I have missed this community, however... I have been on a journey and I want to learn from it all and be better for it. At the end of the day, when I feel alone and can't sleep (insomnia? I say somewhat jokingly), it's sad to be or feel alone. But morning always comes and with time, everything gets easier. And I know how many people there are in the world feeling down, or feeling happy or sleepy or anything, and I know that I am most definitely not alone.
There are a probably close to a million (am I exaggerating?) songs/videos/movies/quotations which could help me get these words out or at least make them sensible, but that comes with time, too.
Which isn't to say that I won't include some type of song/video/something in here, anyway. For all of you, out there, who feel something and know that it's okay to feel it, whether it's sadness or regret or humility or happiness or joy, this goes out to you. My heart goes out to you all. Thank you for listening. And hopefully, good night. Sleep well and begin tomorrow with hope. 

Oh yeah, and if any of you are wondering what could possibly be the answer to life, the universe and everything?......yeah, there's a radio series/book/movie(s)/so on and so forth you've probably read/heard of/watched called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the answer is 42. So. Everyone just stop trying to figure it out already! Right? (I'm sorry, it's just maybe one of the best things to comfort the soul in times of crisis (when all you really want to do is laugh/think/maybe cry a little/worry and then feel...good. 


I have recently become somewhat enamored with a band called The Head and the Heart. I'm sometimes a little late jumping on to the bandwagon (no pun intended, or maybe intended) but for some reason when I listen to their music and watch some of their videos, I'm inspired, and I feel like all of these things I've been wanting to do my whole life—be silly and dance around, be angry with the world, be happy with the world, love, cry, play music, start a band, move somewhere (anywhere) away from home (some places more than others), travel, take long roadtrips with friends, ride a horse across America (across the world?), get out there and not be afraid of what might happen but what could happen! It's all possible. And that's not to say that whatever happens won't bring disappointment and heartache, because it's difficult just to pay attention to what goes on in the world and not feel these things without the every day, but..I'm rambling. So it was difficult for me to choose one of their songs, but this one really gets to me when I think about the things I want to change, and the things I want our country to change. In the grand scheme of time, America is still just an infant, learning how to walk and learning how to be tolerant and how to not fight if at all possible. 
(oh, yeah..and I guess it is two songs. Is that cheating on my part? Oh, well. they work well together, anyway.)

I've forgotten how to embed codes and all that awesome computer technologically complicated stuff, so

The Head and the Heart - The Doe Bay Sessions

and normally I would want to add my own photograph or touch of creativity to a post like this, but I really think I've said enough.
I'm just so filled with gratitude when I listen to their music. and thank you all, again.

It will all be okay. It has to be.

"lord, have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways"

Monday, May 14, 2012

hello, all--it appears my blog has been hacked? i've been trying for some time now to recover it, but have had no luck. any ideas? i'm afraid i will have to delete it altogether and start again, unfortunately. thanks to all of you for supporting my little page. i look forward to getting back into it again.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

fig trees and summertime.

How shall I hold on to my soul, so that
it does not touch yours? How shall I lift
it gently up over you on to other things?
I would so very much like to tuck it away
among long lost objects in the dark 
in some quiet unknown place, somewhere 
which remains motionless when your depths resound.
And yet everything which touches us, you and me,
takes us together like a single bow,
drawing out from two strings but one voice.
On which instrument are we strung?
And which violinist holds us in the hand?
O sweetest of songs.

Rainer Maria Rilke
New Poems: c. 1907

Saturday, February 12, 2011

a new york goodbye


I noticed that in New York, it seems the most beautiful when you aren't looking for it, when you're not going somewhere, or trying to find a certain place, or hail a cab, or grab a burger. It was when I had time to kill and just spent it wandering around, along the Hudson River, or in the cab on the way to the airport, just saying goodbye to the city.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

sun still sinking

a little video from the other day at the beach, before i finish posting about new york.

sunset soon forgotten by iron & wine