billie holiday

most people say that honesty is the best policy. but maybe it isn't honesty that we expect so much in our society as tact. 

there is one thing i still can't quite figure out, which is where the line between the two are drawn. 

i took a few creative writing classes, and in them we were taught to write what we knew. what they forgot to say was that writing what you know is one of the hardest things to write. it's easier to get lost in literature and i suppose that is why the word creative comes into play. i have found that i often do not want to write what i know. what i know and the experiences which i have had are painful to relive and difficult to put into words. the mind is a complicated thing.  training it to be quiet takes time and practice. training your mouth to be quiet also takes time and practice (possibly more). i think it has become too acceptable in our society (i realize that i am generalizing, but again, i was born an american citizen) to gossip. and whether or not gossip is true or false information…i'm lumping gossip into gossip for the sake of ease. dwelling on such things is not always healthy. often i'm a hypocrite. i don't want to become a recluse simply because i am afraid of the world. i've been taught to portray myself a certain way so that people will like me. my honesty has burned bridges. my dishonesty has also burned bridges. if a bridge is built, it probably shouldn't be burned. perhaps it is better to swim through them or sail across them, but i digress. the world is moving forward, and rapidly. but who is to say that it is moving in the right direction? i couldn't possibly know yet. i see and hear many things that convince me otherwise. i see and hear many things and i have hope.

 a blog is a beautiful thing in that it allows people to connect across the world. i've "met" some truly inspiring people through this site (blogger) and i will always be grateful for that. but i began to notice that it was easier for me to put only what was beautiful in my life on this site. it's more fun to read and to look at. i love to see the beautiful side of life. i know there is a dark and ominous one as well. i've had dreams that make me question everything i've ever believed. i've had experiences that make me question everything i was taught. i'm only 24 and i still have so much to learn.

the point i wanted to make tonight was that no matter what you hear about someone or see them do, know that there is something else, lying beneath the surface, trying to find its way out. for me, music is some of the best therapy around. (and gardening, or farming, or just being outside. preferably in nature. i generally don't find much comfort in this urban jungle i live in, but i'm trying all the time to like it more). tomorrow may not bring more change than today or yesterday did, but at the very least, i'm a little bit wiser. my approach is what makes the difference.

good night to you all.

p.s. here's a group(warpaint) that i truly admire. the emotion in their music is powerful and often sad, but they have fun and it shows. i've had to learn not to be afraid of sadness, or grief. it's all part of the healing process. sometimes, people will tell you only what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. that has taken me a long time to accept. 

oh, and this video was not made by me, nor did i write the music. 

forgiveness

It's been quite some time since I last posted. I have missed this community, however... I have been on a journey and I want to learn from it all and be better for it. At the end of the day, when I feel alone and can't sleep (insomnia? I say somewhat jokingly), it's sad to be or feel alone. But morning always comes and with time, everything gets easier. And I know how many people there are in the world feeling down, or feeling happy or sleepy or anything, and I know that I am most definitely not alone.

There are a probably close to a million (am I exaggerating?) songs/videos/movies/quotations which could help me get these words out or at least make them sensible, but that comes with time, too.

Which isn't to say that I won't include some type of song/video/something in here, anyway. For all of you, out there, who feel something and know that it's okay to feel it, whether it's sadness or regret or humility or happiness or joy, this goes out to you. My heart goes out to you all. Thank you for listening. And hopefully, good night. Sleep well and begin tomorrow with hope. 

Oh yeah, and if any of you are wondering what could possibly be the answer to life, the universe and everything?......yeah, there's a radio series/book/movie(s)/so on and so forth you've probably read/heard of/watched called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the answer is 42. So. Everyone just stop trying to figure it out already! Right? (I'm sorry, it's just maybe one of the best things to comfort the soul in times of crisis (when all you really want to do is laugh/think/maybe cry a little/worry and then feel...good. 

P.s.

I have recently become somewhat enamored with a band called The Head and the Heart. I'm sometimes a little late jumping on to the bandwagon (no pun intended, or maybe intended) but for some reason when I listen to their music and watch some of their videos, I'm inspired, and I feel like all of these things I've been wanting to do my whole life—be silly and dance around, be angry with the world, be happy with the world, love, cry, play music, start a band, move somewhere (anywhere) away from home (some places more than others), travel, take long roadtrips with friends, ride a horse across America (across the world?), get out there and not be afraid of what might happen but what could happen! It's all possible. And that's not to say that whatever happens won't bring disappointment and heartache, because it's difficult just to pay attention to what goes on in the world and not feel these things without the every day, but..I'm rambling. So it was difficult for me to choose one of their songs, but this one really gets to me when I think about the things I want to change, and the things I want our country to change. In the grand scheme of time, America is still just an infant, learning how to walk and learning how to be tolerant and how to not fight if at all possible. 

(oh, yeah..and I guess it is two songs. Is that cheating on my part? Oh, well. they work well together, anyway.)

I've forgotten how to embed codes and all that awesome computer technologically complicated stuff, so

The Head and the Heart - The Doe Bay Sessions
http://youtu.be/DCyQ0nCIQuA

and normally I would want to add my own photograph or touch of creativity to a post like this, but I really think I've said enough.
I'm just so filled with gratitude when I listen to their music. and thank you all, again.

It will all be okay. It has to be.

"lord, have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways"

hello, all--it appears my blog has been hacked? i've been trying for some time now to recover it, but have had no luck. any ideas? i'm afraid i will have to delete it altogether and start again, unfortunately. thanks to all of you for supporting my little page. i look forward to getting back into it again.

morgan

fig trees and summertime.

How shall I hold on to my soul, so that

it does not touch yours? How shall I lift

it gently up over you on to other things?

I would so very much like to tuck it away

among long lost objects in the dark 

in some quiet unknown place, somewhere 

which remains motionless when your depths resound.

And yet everything which touches us, you and me,

takes us together like a single bow,

drawing out from two strings but one voice.

On which instrument are we strung?

And which violinist holds us in the hand?

O sweetest of songs.

Rainer Maria Rilke

New Poems: c. 1907

a new york goodbye

   

I noticed that in New York, it seems the most beautiful when you aren't looking for it, when you're not going somewhere, or trying to find a certain place, or hail a cab, or grab a burger. It was when I had time to kill and just spent it wandering around, along the Hudson River, or in the cab on the way to the airport, just saying goodbye to the city.

sun still sinking

a little video from the other day at the beach, before i finish posting about new york.

sunset soon forgotten by iron & wine

new york city

is, well...New York City. I don't know that there's any other way to describe it. (gritty. and occasionally the tiniest bit wonderful.)

dog walks and the setting sun

The warm, spring-like weather here has been heavenly, and the pups have enjoyed their daily walks and trips to the park. Somehow, when I'm on walks with the dogs and forget to pay attention, I always (maybe not always) end up at the Old Jail (my favorite jail). Isn't it lovely and menacing all at once?

I appreciate living here, and I am grateful for Charleston, and how hard it tries to make me happy. There are still nights when I dream of bonfires and mountain bliss. Could I combine a little mountain town with Savannah, GA, and maybe a little of Charleston? I sit awake at night listening to Iron&Wine and can almost hear some semi-rural farm calling to me. Am I dreaming? I can see the sprawling acres, feel the summer heat slapping my face, galloping on horseback across the fields. The slow descent of the setting sun mixed with the smell of hay and barn dirt and the relief of a glass of water after a hard day of work. I could lose myself in it.

like dogs at the beach

This was my second beach day of this beautiful week in January. The first day was rather cold, but the second, as shown, was warm enough for wading through the water wearing rolled up jeans and a tank top. Darcy found a shell for his "hat," and Sabrina leapt through the water as though she'd never see the ocean again. William and I found a quiet place on the other side of the rocks from where we usually frequent on Sullivan's, and we plan to make it our new home for setting up chairs and reading books with the dogs (if we ever buy chairs). We saw dolphins closer than we've ever seen them before at the beach, which always gives me such a feeling of both excitement and utter peacefulness. I'm wise enough now to know how lucky I am to have days like this, and I'm determined not to take them for granted. 

fast & french

I learned how to wash dishes in a restaurant kitchen here my Freshman year of college. It is well-loved by the locals, from the escargot (non, merci) to the croque monsieurs (my personal favorite), and it almost makes you feel like you could be in Paris.  Earlier in the day, we went out to Sullivan's.  It was slightly cold and overcast, but the beach was desolate and we had it to ourselves, and there is something so immensely calming about a huge gray sky over the ocean.
We had the loveliest day.

a little new year's list.

2011 will be brighter than 2010. at least i think it will be. but i say that every year. this time i really and truly believe it, which is the important thing anyway. i've been thinking lately about resolutions, and that i never see much point in them as i forget them after two and a half weeks, on average. but this year will be different. right? right. i decided not to get too lofty and limit the list to two. so here it is:
1. start taking tap lessons again. easy enough. (or easier said than done? i'm not sure yet.) my inspiration:
                                                          Gene Kelly. who else?
                    



2. the most important and most often overlooked--do more. for people i know and people i don't know.

bright star

Bright Star is my second installment of movies that should have won an oscar in march. this one is about  the poet John Keats, whose house I recently visited (but didn't get to go inside) in London. the movie itself is a poem, and is so beautiful I could die. Really, I think I could. It is the most literary-based movie i've ever seen: Keats' poetry is integrated perfectly into the script.

It balances simplicity and drama in such a perfect way.

John Keats: I had such a dream last night. I was floating above the trees with my lips connected to those of a beautiful figure, for what seemed like an age. Flowery treetops sprung up beneath us and we rested on them with the lightness of a cloud. 

Fanny Brawne: Who was the figure? 

John Keats:  I must have had my eyes closed because I can't remember. 

Fanny Brawne:  And yet you remember the treetops. 

John Keats:  Not so well as I remember the lips. 

Fanny Brawne:  Whose lips? Were they my lips?

Fanny Brawne: I still don't know how to work out a poem. 

John Keats: A poem needs understanding through the senses. The point of diving into a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore but to be in the lake, to luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not work the lake out, it is a experience beyond thought. Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept the mystery. 

Fanny Brawne: I love mystery.

You don't have to work through a poem, systematically, to know that or how it affects you. I did get a bit emotional when i heard Ben Whishaw's reading of Ode to a Nightingale. I'm not necessarily proud of that fact, but there it is just the same. And here it is, if you'd like to listen. See if it doesn't strike a certain cord. I bet it will.

life in progress.

My life (and this little blog) have both been my works in progress lately. I think I'm finally done tinkering with blog design, but as for my life--that's another story entirely. Hopefully with this move in January, everything will start to fall back in place. hopefully. With Jack the horse nearby again, I think I'll be just fine. and happy. Not the Starbucks made my mocha right today or gosh the weather is so nice kind of happy--the other kind. For me it's always been horses, and living in a place that I truly care about. Oh, and this little (little?) dog here, too. I just had to post these photos from her bath tonight. Cute doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this face. I'm a little obsessed.

christmas gift ideas

(or things i'd just like to keep for myself)

i've been so inspired by the etsy art i've been finding recently, including

these prints by Danna Ray:

photos by irenesuchocki:

jewelry by dinosaur toes (always...i'm obsessed):

a tiny little video

from a tiny trip to England.


music: Down River by the Temper Trap

the young victoria

The Young Victoria is, as the title states, a movie about Queen Victoria immediately before and after her rise to the throne. More than that, though, it is a movie about love. It's so rare to be able to watch a historical (i use that term loosely) movie about royalty that is also a happy love story. So that fact is a luxury in itself, not to mention the beautiful soundtrack, exquisite costumes, and to-die-for sets. It is a stunning and immense piece of artistic work.

Prince Albert: I just got your note. I was riding. 

Queen Victoria: Sit, please. 

Prince Albert: The park is marvelous. 

Queen Victoria: Im so pleased you like it. I do want you to feel quite at home... I'm sure you're aware why I wished you to come here. Because it would make me happier than anything, too happy really, if you would agree to what I wish. 

Prince Albert: And stay with you? 

Queen Victoria: And stay with me. 

Prince Albert: And marry you? 

Queen Victoria: And marry me! 

Rupert Friend's portrayal of Lord Albert is so heartbreakingly sweet and perfect that it makes you want to hope that men like that still exist. He is so thoughtful and genuine that you can't help but fall in love with him immediately. 

He spends hours learning to waltz so that he might make Victoria happy, and with his first letter sends sheet music of a Schubert song that reminds him of her. 

here is the clip:

and, not to forget Emily Blunt--her role as Victoria is astounding. Her strength and gracefulness underlined by a youthful innocence is nothing short of inspiring, not to mention her utter and absolute beauty.

Sir John Conroy:  You're too young! you've no experience. you're like a china doll, walking over a precipice... 

Princess Victoria: Well then I must smash! for it's too late to mend my ways now. 

I happen to have a list of movies that were nominated for Oscars this year but didn't win and should have. That may just be my opinion, but I tend to get pretty riled up when I watch the Oscars nowadays. Credit rarely goes where it's due. Anyway, this movie happens to be on that list. It was nominated for art direction, costume design and makeup. It won costume design and makeup, but that was it. I'm not saying it didn't deserve those two--it absolutely did. But it also deserved to win for best actress (hands down, Emily Blunt could act circles around Sandra Bullock…if that's possible), and maybe even best movie. that's a tough one, but yes, I do believe so. Admittedly I'm quite the sucker for period films, but nevertheless.

oh, and i'll be back next sunday with my opinion of what Bright Star should have won.

love

courtesy of b.stetson

"love is like a little old woman

and a little old man who are still friends

even after they know each other so well."

--tommy, age 6

[quote via naturally nina]

rainy day and poundcake.

Since it was my sister's last night home before she went back to the big apple, I decided it would be a good night to make my grandmother's poundcake. Turns out Ali hates poundcake. But at least it gives me something to eat for breakfast in the mornings. And it's the only recipe I have of my grandmother's, who was famous in little old Reidsville, NC for her home cooking. It's nice having my little sister home, because she's the quick-witted comic of the family, so she reminds us all to laugh a little more and not take everything quite so seriously. I miss her so very much when she's gone.

track kitchen

My sister is home from New York for Thanksgiving break, and per her request we drove to Aiken, SC this morning to the Track Kitchen. It's a little breakfast place whose main purpose is to feed hungry jockeys early in the morning, and is known for having the best pancakes in all of america. That's what we believe, anyway. During my parents' divorce back in high school, my mother, sister and I moved to Aiken for a few years, and even though I don't see myself moving back there, it's nice to visit and remember how strange and chaotic life was then. Aiken is a "quaint" little horse town, and I absolutely cherish the memories of Christmases at our barn on the dirt roads of downtown, early mornings feeding horses, afternoons riding in Hitchcock Woods and late nights mucking stalls. It's also where I met Brian, so all around it'll always be a special place to me.